Do you think I’m sexy? You bet I am!
Move aside Brad, George and Ashton – because when it comes to the animal kingdom, the guys below really do put them and their Hollywood buddies in the ugly lane! And yes, it is nearly always the guys who have to the preening, the posing and the chasing – leaving the ‘lucky girls’ to do the choosing.
Best looking bald red bonce – Bald uakari
When it comes to movie star looks, the more flaming red the face the better. Or at least that’s how these small South American primates see it anyway. It could be that females find red faces in males so smoking hot because it’s a sign of good health and breeding prowess as males that are sick tend to develop paler faces.
Most gorgeous eyes – Stalk-eyed fly
We all know how important eyes are in terms of physical attraction. But stalk-eyed flies take this to new extremes. After a hard days grazing, these crazy-eyed male flies find a good spot and face each other off in an eye-to-eye wrestling match. The ones with the shorter eye span invariably loses and flies off. Females cruise past looking around for a suitable wide-eyed champion and once found, the lucky guy can mate with over 20 partners in half an hour. The benefit of females choosing wide-eyed mates is that these good-lookers carry a tough Y chromosome that increases a females chance of having sons – and more sons, means more grandchildren.
Best cheeks – Orangutan
In the orangutan world, if you’re a guy without big flanges – flappy cheek pads to the rest of us – then you’ve no chance with the ladies. The fleshy cheeks are developed by males after around 15 years along with more pronounced throat pouches and longer hair. Why? Because in the wild, flanged males have established territories to protect and are subsequently very attractive to the opposite sex. Their larger throat sacs let them emit loud ‘long calls’ that sound like the dulcet tones of Frank Sinatra to the ladies. The ladies come flocking, see the flanged males wide cheeks and bingo – it’s orangutan love at first sight.
Most gorgeous honker – Probiscus monkey
Despite having a fleshy honker so enormous it has to push it to one side when eating, the male probiscus monkey is not complaining – the bigger the honker, the more irresistible he is to the opposite sex! As well as reflecting a monkey’s status, it’s enormous nose also serves another important purpose: amplifying sound. When threatened, blood rushes to its nose making it even bigger. The swelling then acts as a resonating chamber which amplifies the monkey’s alarm call – so alerting his buddies to the impending danger. Boy, that’s one special honker.
Most seductive throaty skin flap – Anole
These small colour changing lizards, not chameleons, have a pronounced garishly coloured flap of skin hanging in an arc below their necks called ‘a dewlap’. They show this off proudly to both attract females and scare away males from their territory. Why the girls find this skin flap irresistible is anyone’s guess. These excitable show offs from the Caribbean also like a workout and can often be seen performing push ups before unfurling… you’ve guessed it.
Best red balloon chest – Frigate bird
Male frigate birds, known as the pirate of the skies for their scavenging nature, are black with a patch of red skin at the throat called a gulag sac. During courtship, the male forces air into this remarkable inflatable pouch turning it into basically a red balloon. The males then just hang out together in the shrubs showing off their sexy red balloons to any female passers by. When a female does fly by, males will wiggle their heads, shake their wings and call. If the display is up to scratch – the female will land and sit down beside her chosen mate.
Best all round ‘Do you find me sexy’ package – Temmink’s Tragopan
The colourful male Temminck’s tragopan is perhaps the most beautiful pheasant in the world and that’s just to us humans – so just imagine how those female pheasants must feel! With their bright orange-crimson plumage embellished with exquisite dots, they cut quite the dash. But more spectacular than their plumage is the electric blue skin of the face and bib-like wattle that hangs from the throat. Heck they even have two fleshy, horn-like projections above the eyes. And boy, do then know they’re sexy – male courtship often simply involves the male sidling up to a swooning female and ruffling his feathers. And in the unlikely chance, she hasn’t given him her number – he’ll go into full disco dance mode and it’s game over.
Best way to grab a girl’s attention – Fiddler crab
A male fiddler’s big claw is pretty useless when it comes to feeding but it does have one fantastic use… males wave them in the air to attract the attention of the ladies!